Thursday, April 15, 2010

An Early Xmas request from a Stupid Letter Sender

Dear Santa,

Heyyaaaa. Like here I am again. I know I have surprised you in one way or another like I always do because apparently Christmas season is still a stone's throw away from now and here I am again writing you a letter so you have to read this, WHICH IS SOMETHING YOU ARE REALLY, REALLY NEVER USED TO because your hardworking minions carry all the toil of that job, which makes me wonder if maybe you can't read (?)

ANYHOODLES, just this morning I woke up in a very, very hot summer Wednesday and I seriously cannot believe how much my friend Krizia could have possibly been destroying the world right now. Like maybe she has AGAIN burned her own hair or maybe plastic chairs in the school canteen or WORSE, maybe little baby diapers for that matter...which is like completely ruthless of her because I have been dying out of utter dehydration these days and maybe if she was my real friend she could have opted to burn herself in hell instead. But anyway back to what I was there I woke up and I went on the internet to visit my favorite blog, The South Sider, and I found this:

Okay, let me get straight to the point. These are the

Lanvin Spring/Summer 2010 Macramé and Leather Sandals

The moment I laid my fake-colored eyes on these sandals, I died for like, 3 seconds. Believe me, Santa Claus, this is the reason why I am writing you this letter. The moment I went back to being ALIVE I knew right then that THAT WAS EXACTLY WHAT NEEDED TO TAKE PLACE, that I'd die for a moment, because I needed to take a while to help myself process this within my limited brain scope (that's what my dad told me when I was 6 that I have limited brain scope)...that something like this is really, really happening. Like it's not ALWAYS all the time that people in the United States get to come up with something as grungy and trashy like this, like they just mugged it out without mercy from a poor subway train beggar, right?

So I have decided that I am gonna call this a NECESSITY from NOW ON because if I would call it a WANT or maybe something else in that same light, like maybe you wouldn't let me have this for Christmas right? SO dear santa, this is a NECESSITY, like Mac#NC15 Studio Finish concealer on my darkest days of monthly breakouts.

To the most-hailed gray-haired obese of all time, please just let me have this. I promise to forgive you for giving me underarm hair bleach last year instead of the PLATINUM BLONDE HAIR DYE that I wanted. Like maybe y'all right there in Poland or wherever you actually may be living have already forgotten how HARDCORE CRAZY I CAN BE WHEN I GET DISAPPOINTED RIGHT?? like MAYBE you wouldn't want that to happen bcuz JUST THIS MORNING I heard my Daddy talking about how much he doesn't want me to get disappointed and he said something like trouble, and kill, and fat white-haired something so I guess he was talking about ME (?), like maybe he got mad at me or something because he caught me eating my own hair BUT THAT WAS JUST BCUZ I WAS ON A DIET or I dunno because he was talking about not getting me upset so maybe that could be someone else. Or maybe that could be YOU! Ha!

You heard me Santa. Don't let me get mad at you again.


P.S. Maybe you could also add some lovin' and send me these:

Miharayasuhiro Suede Sandal Boot


(Photo credit: The South Sider)


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