Monday, May 17, 2010

Look who made it to the frontpage!

Man, you said it! All them cover girls for this month's release are dope hot! The Kardashian sisters are smoking HOT, steaming HOT, broiling HOT - for VEGAS cover!

And Khloe Kardashian sputtered tons of her weight! Can't you see that she now has arms connected to her shoulders instead of THIGHS?? Don't you remember that not too long ago she looked like a worn-out shemale laborer for a large item shipping company??

It's MIRACULOUS!!! She's beautiful! I super duper love you Khloe K! Kiss me in my dreams and bump me with your monster bottoms!


OKAY, so here in the third world area we also happen to have magazines (believe it or not). And for this month, Sarah Geronimo graced the cover of a fashion publication. . . (SILENCE)

Sarah Geronimo graced a cover of a fashion magazine. . . (MORE SILENCE). . .

. . . Sarah Geronimo GRACED A COVER OF A FASHION MAGAZINE!!! (Defeaning SILENCE)

Okay get over it. Well I am not to conceal any of my STEAMING ADORATION for HER because I don't mind getting vocal about it. I don't mind what people think either.

Sarah Geronimo in MEGA magazine's May 2010 issue, in my opinion, is enchantingly gorgeous and dons a superbly classic look to fit the high-class taste of society's cognosenti. Picture's glam, subtle fierce; her face is immaculately delicate, and don't you see that she is now TEN shades whiter compared to her normal skin tone?? She's STUNNING, ADMIT IT! And believe me people, Manila-based stylists are now learning to rip off that JOLOGS image out of their clients. Sarah Geronimo used to look like a Disney Hannah Montana knock-off but look at her now. Would you not love this look??


So baaaack to first world Hollywood where magazine frontpages are being lorded over by "wholesome" Disney rollers. Billboard released their May issue for their print and look who's the ex-mousketeer EMBLAZONED ALL OVER the front page:

It's FLOPTINA AGUILERA!!! On a BILLBOARD mag!! And guess what?? She just dropped tenths of places down her debut spot!! Can you believe it?? bIRONIC! BooHoo!

Now apart from her silver foil wrap of a leotard looking pair of boots, her hair is reminiscent of Queen Madge's 1970s 'do, which, as I see it, shall definitely get torned out of her image. Get a stylist who's not a fan of Lady GaGa and stop calling people newcomers, you former newcomer!

On a rather personal note, I have a VERY SINCERE letter:

Dearest XTINA,

I am supposed to love you and honestly, I USED TO. I AM SINCERELY TELLING THE TRUTH when I said that I used to LOVE you and that it WASN'T JUST BRITNEY, except that you are not Christina Aguilera anymore.

You now look like a cross-breed of Madonna, Lady GaGa, disco music, and some take home road whore who happen to share a make-up kit with Taylor Momsen. I don't like it. Perez Hilton is equally as furious about it. I was just thinking if maybe you could get back to your
I Turn To You image and I guess from there we could all start turning back to you, too.


As of this writing, I am desperately in need of sleep. I am starting to look like a disheveled Helena Bonham Carter and it's not funny. I inhaled three mugs of coffee earlier - effortless - though it never really helped. I should know. Duh it's coffee not milk. Now let me get some all out rest and Imma have ta crack sum bone for an acrobatic pose on my own magazine shoot. Ha! Tata!


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