The science of Physics recognizes two kinds of inertia - both of which could actually be related to my own dealing with procrastination. First law states, "Standing objects tend to remain stationary.", whereas the second law states, "Moving objects tend to stay in motion.". Right now, I'm more affected with the first law.
For the past few weeks, I've been getting this momentary itch to write down a blog entry and try to at least make it feel fulfilling for me to start something that I've planned. I had this super outdated blog I never had the chance to maintain, not because I was time deprived but because I just didn't feel like updating it. And the last time I checked on my old blog, I realized my last post entry was when I was extremely agitated seeing the trailer of New Moon. In plain terms, I did not hold on to it. It's the simplest of things but I didn't attach to it. I deleted the blog anyway.
I really don't think it's quite encouraging to jump-off my first blog post with this, but seriously I'm really having problems committing myself into things. To date, the last thing I remember committing myself into was a three-day skin peeling regimen, a fad which ran all over my group of friends, where I had to lather peeling oil all over my body for a good three day routine. It was a systematic plan. And it was messy. But I still had my head on it. Come third day, I got tired. I wormed out. I was too chicken shit to even stick up on it. And I was itching all over my body, so I withdrew.
This is me lately - a flagging, inattentive, procrastinating lazyboy who sits back comfortably on a soft couch. Eyes glued on TV. Bag of chips on hand. I am not always in a good mood to commit on to anything. I pick up a thought, day-dream about it, decide it is indeed a good idea, find faults about it, and when I finally think it's not worth the try, I just cop it off my head. And how dare I even ask for a love life at this moment.
Truth is, this is not me. This is not really me, and I know it. Maybe it's the sleeplessness. Maybe it's stress. Maybe it's the devil sucking away all of my energy. Or maybe...it's just me. Yeah I guess it's really me. I feel like I don't have anything to hold on to, like an inspiration or something overwhelming. Way back I even get inspired with the smallest of things, even on lousy mainstream songs. And I just miss the feeling of being productive and having something to do aside from partying, and drinking, and spending time looking at myself in the mirror where three seconds after I walk past my reflection I realize it's been a steady hour and a half spent on my pore-to-pore, meditative, face study, and I feel like it's just all worthless.
It somehow worries me. I don't like seeing celebrities flashing their self-earned cars and having their hulky mansions with the most recherché of interiors being published in glossy magazines - front page if you must mind. And they're like, what, 17, 19 years of young, fresh-blooded age?? It's a big thrust of whirlwind kick in the face for a 19 year-old student like me who thrives a rather dependent life on his parents. Not like I feel bad about it nor am I envious but I thought maybe I could work my way out of my sit-back-and-relax way of living. I couldn't get anywhere without standing up and doing something. Now, this is me saying these words with the benefit of the intellect and actually, this is how I like myself thinking.
I really don't know what has again gotten into my head this time - to shift gears and start doing something. And from these thoughts, I will be making decisions, and right now I have decided I must get my ass off the couch, do something worthy of my time, and stop wolfing down on chips and ice cream because there is no way I'd like to get back to my old (read: healthy) shape.
As for me, I'm tired of watching life go by as a spectator doing the wave in the stands. I don't want to be another wasted youngster taken over the pull of alcohol, partying, dressing up, and having seen. It's a teenage thing I should have gotten over with in high school, not be dealing with in college. I decided that I must not limit my committing power to peeling and holding on to a mirror. I realized it's not a win-win thing for me. I'm still young and might as well take advantage of it.
As what Dr. Robert Schuller has always said, "Beginning is half done!". I'm half done. I have already begun. As to my blog, this is my first entry! This is a beginning. And I swear I'm gonna hold on to this. ;)