OR SOMETIMES

I'd like to go to a local mall, drop by a coffee store, pin in a cigarette stick, and walk around as I wear something like this:

(Enika Mihalik in AnOther magazine. Photo credit: Fashionista.com)

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ANYWAY, I woke up very, very early this morning to attend a church meeting where we would pray for an upcoming event that our congregation has been organizing yearly since it's inception. Actually, I have been doing this since last friday, and everyday I would wake up at 5:30am, toss off a cup of coffee, finish an entire cigarette, take a quick warm shower, then leave for church. On Sundays, I'd help out in the church office and take in an inch-thick of papers to process and then soon I'd feel like my fingers would detach from my hands.

For the past few years, I have been tightly latched into the party life. I have been so adhered to my nightlife routines that it actually felt like a way of life for me; going out and getting drunk on weekdays with no exceptions even on Sundays was typically one of my most beloved daily tack. Not that I felt miserable about myself, nor have I been dealt with heartbreaking tragedies then, but drinking was more like my way of socializing, of meeting new people, and of making new network of friends. But I realized that with this beaten path, I have been so dismounted from the way of life I have been always brought up to - church, family, friends, and self. Except for my party friends, my other relationships have sloped down a great deal, that including ME, maybe because in the process that I've been losing myself in a worldly life, I have lost, too, the sincerity.

I'm not entirely leaving the nightlife, the crazy drunken weekends, and the circus of parties, but I don't know. Maybe for the mean time that I'm trying to find myself - within me, in other people, in God - I would might as well take a break. But so far, I'm just happy to find fulfillment and contentment with what I'm doing, with how I'm thinking, and with the people that I have been meeting. AND TAKE NOTE, I haven't been craving to drink anything alcoholic. I'm just happy and contented with a chocolate bar, a decent drink, and a couple more cigarettes to get me through the day.

Happy Monday everyone!